Sunday, January 4, 2009

All in a day...

(in no particular order)...

Today, she is laying delirious in a hospital bed high on medication to avoid the pain of her organs being removed from her body to destroy some cancer cells.

Today, she is fighting to prevent the school system from forceably vaccinating her child in order to gain admittance.

Today, she is curling up with her husband praying for the newly formed baby inside her womb.

Today, she is holding her newborn baby in the hospital thankful that she was finally able to "give birth".

Today, she is hanging an Obama 2009 calendar entitled "44th President of the United States" in her Black daughter's room and realizes the world just changed.

Today, she is savouring quality time with her son hoping that her impending divorce will not completely disrupt his stability.

Today, she is taking a much-needed vacation from her over-demanding, under-paying job.

Today, she is staying with him another day hoping that he will decide to give her a child before her biological clock runs out after all the time she's invested.

Today, she is toiling at her second job trying to make enough money to take care of her mother who chooses not to work.

Today, she is praying that her child will forgive her and give her a chance to get to know her grandchildren.

Today, she is hoping that he has changed and will not hit her anymore.

Today, she is standing trial for a crime she did not commit.

Today, she is spending her first night behind jail bars.

Today, she is crying because her son just got sentenced to life in prison.

Today, she is rejoicing that her state has just decriminalized possession of small amounts of marijuana.

Today, she is holding the family together in hopes that he will soon kick his cocaine habit.

Today, she is wondering how she will raise her Muslim son safely in America.

Today, she is going to church and still pretending she is a virgin.

Today, she is devising a new plan to keep her man...it too will not work.

Today, she is tolerating this ole ass guy because he will buy her some nice shit. See boops deh.

Today, she is thanking God for another day with her father who's battling cancer.

Today, she is digesting the fact that her man has cheated on her, with a man.

Today, she is getting drunk trying to ignore that her mate is sexually molesting her child.

Today, she is pretending to be asleep praying her mother's boyfriend will forget she's there and go to his own bed tonight.

Today, she is walking the track selling her body for money.

Today, she is recovering from the abortion of the child she just couldn't have.

Today, she is holding her child close to her body desperately trying to provide him warmth from the cold of the night.

Today, she is hiding in the bushes to avoid her 7-year old son being captured to become a child soldier.

Today, she is waiting for silence in order to signal that the bombing has stopped.

Today, she is holding her sister's hand as she takes her last breath.

Today, she is staring at the ceiling hoping that the rape will soon end.

Today, she is being diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease.

Today, she is screaming and swearing in the throws of birth pangs.

Today, she is accepting her miscarriage.

Today, she is sifting through dirt under the moonlight trying to find a few grains of rice for dinner.

Today, she is sipping fine wine and pretentiously living life to the fullest.

Today, she is drinking contaminated water to quench her thirst.

Today, she is losing her virginity to someone she'll later regret.

Today, she is taking care of her autistic child and wondering "why me Lord?".

Today, she is searching desperately for something, anything, to help locate her missing child.

Today, she is learning that her only child was just violently murdered.

Today, she is flying across the oceans to visit a loved one.

Today, she is burying her soldier who died valiantly in war.

Today, she is riding as high as a Georgia Pine.

Today, she is puking in the toilet while looking at her distorted reflection in the water and hating her very self.

Today, she is looking in the mirror and liking all that she sees.

Today, she is tilling the soil under the hot, blazing sun hoping that rain will soon follow.

Today, she is helping someone in need who will simply not appreciate it.

Today, she is doing her household chores to maintain some semblance of order.

Today, she is living beyond her means trying to keep up with the Jones'.

Today, she is stealing food to feed her young.

Today, she is hosting an expensive dinner party so she can flaunt her lavish lifestyle and over-priced house.

Today, she is pushing a shopping cart containing all her belongings.

Today, she is thinking of the safest time to escape this abusive relationship.

Today, she is putting on makeup to hide her bruises from the outside world.

Today, she is getting the courage to stand up for herself.

Today, she is crawling into bed with someone else's husband without guilt or hesitation.

Today, she is working at least twice as hard as her white counterparts to get a promotion.

Today, she is denying that she has a mental illness, and believing it.

Today, she is juggling a few boyfriends still.

Today, she is dancing her ass off in the club.

Today, she is taking the walk of shame with that resistant smile on her face hoping that no one will notice her.

Today, she is stretching dollar bills like elastic trying to make ends meet.

Today, she is hanging on to a man who doesn't love or want her because she is afraid to be alone.

Today, she is adopting an orphan and giving him a new take on life.

Today, she is scheming to have his baby in order to get child support so she doesn't have to "work".

Today, she is realizing that properly raising a child is work.

Today, she is feeling that her burdens are just too heavy to bear.

Today, she is contemplating suicide but don't give up just yet sister.

Today, she is realizing her self worth.

Today, she is meditating.

Today, she is finding peace within.

Today, she is me

*(copyrighted by Se'Lah)

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

This piece is so powerful that I had tears in my eyes after just a few lines. We women sure are strong for what we continue to live through. Blessings to you my sisters. There are brighter days to come. Keep your heads up and always remember that you are in the driver seat!

Anonymous said...

Several months ago my neighbor for 7 years committed suicide.
She took a gun and shot herself.
It was hard to understand why. The burdens of being a woman and depression can be life ending. She left 3 children behind. So, today I am wishing peace for them, because there world was blown apart.

vchelle said...

I've had the opportunity to read this powerful article three times and each time I read it, my emotional frequency increased until the love and compassion inside of me vibrated right off the scale. Why? Because all of these events and situations happen all in a day. Mulitple events happen to just one woman and one event that is the same happens to many different women. Yet, this is when we find out the love and strength that we already have in us and we just continue to feed off of the steady stream of strength/energy that comes to us from God. I'm so thrilled that we have 100% access to our energy stations free of charge anytime and anywhere.

Thank you so much Se'Lah for embracing our high points and or low points. Here's a big hug from me to you for just being you! Your compassion and your empathy is why many of us are energized because you care and you took the time to say you care! Loving you always!

vchelle said...

To Anonymous, when I use to hear that people take their own lives, I couldn't understand why. What could be so bad that a person felt dying was their only way to relieve the pain? Sometimes, we develop pain-bodies (a negative energy field, literally, that grows in size) within us that are so heavy that they literally take over our mind preventing us from being able to distinguish reality from fantasy. That's because we create our reality through our thoughts and when our thoughts are out of control due to pain, we walk in an unconscious state. To transfer that negative pain into useful energy, we simply need to be aware that we are lost in our thoughts. Awareness brings peace. I know I speak a lot about energy from a spiritual aspect but it's an understanding that has freed me from negative thoughts that almost killed me. I pray for her family and thank you for sharing!

Anonymous said...

This is amazing! one thing struck me though:
Did she laugh? We must laugh through the tears. Laugh long and laugh deep.

"Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh"

me. said...

Powerful stuff sister, I taught you well :)... Just teasing, but seriously. Reading this brought on a thought...

If you need proof that God exists, look at the strength of a black woman.

Love you, keep ya head up **xoxo**