Happy "Old Years Day/Night"...

*Click on photo to enlarge.

Blessings, Se'Lah

Festival Day...

Back home, as the sun sets on 2008,
the island springs to life with pulsating music,
hypnotic rhythms, steel bands, costumes, rocking parties,
and dances all night long, with the ever-lingering hope
that the ole volcano doesn't provide the fireworks tonight.

(copyrighted by Se'Lah)

Me Free Paper Bun...

He's been gone for a week.
I was glad for the break
but I really missed him.
Now, it's time to come home.
Me Free Paper Bun.

(copyrighted by Se'Lah)

PERIOD 3D ...

. The size of a baby 4 weeks from Conception:
utter joy,
are you sure?,
still small enough for an abortion.

. Menstration:
my baby girl is turning into a young woman,
why this shit have to come today?,
Thank God I'm not pregnant for this tool (whew).

. Punctuation:
to end a sentence,
to begin a new thought, and
THAT'S IT dammit !

(copyrighted by Se'Lah)
.inspired by Hermie

Dedicated to my "Circle"...

I call it my "circle" and it is as complex as the geometric figure. It is the eclectic circle formed by a diverse, multi-cultural, multi-national, multi-racial, multi-religious crew who collectively are the support beams of my life. They have all contributed, and continue to contribute, to my very being. This segment is dedicated to them.

We have, at some point, been stuck in our private hells and needed either an escape or to be rescued. We sometimes had to rescue ourselves.

We have survived in spite of child molestation, domestic abuse, rape, depression, suicide attempts, abortions, being the black sheep in our beloved dysfunctional families, racism, sexism, tokenism, religious discrimination, cheating boyfriends, cheating husbands, husbands, boyfriends and lack thereof.

We have endured the challenges of infertility, fibroids, hysterectomies, pregnancy, miscarriages, toxemia, postpartum, motherhood (or the unfulfilled desire thereof), stay-at-home-motherhood, the career mom, single parenthood, the single life (oh the single life), dating, marriage, separation, divorce, unhealthy relationships, shitty jobs, dead end jobs, no jobs, being broke, hunger, and financial struggles.

We have been there through tears, laughter, worry, fear, insecurity, excitement, impulsiveness, heartache, heartbreak, sickness and loss.

We advise each other to "Be Still".

We love each other, support each other, keep each other's secrets, and some of us can only be trusted to keep certain secrets (you know who you are ;-).

Others had to create *vaults* to secure some of those secrets.

We are Rasta, West Indian, Black, Hispanic/Latino, African, African-American, Indian, and White. We are Irish, British, Monterratian, Bajan, Antiguan, Kittitian, Cruzan, Cape Verdean, Trinidadian, American, Jamaican, Polish, German, Puerto Rican, Cuban, Italian, Portuguese, and Swedish. We are Muslim, Jewish, Catholic, Jehovah Witness, Seventh Day Adventist, COG7, Baptist, Southern Baptist (there is a difference), Methodist, Lutheran, Nondenominational and Still in search of ourselves. And yet, we are so much more.

So, I simply say this to my "circle" to wrap up 2008: THANK YOU for being (and remaining) in my life !!! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year !!! Now saddle up for another wild ride ;-)

Foot planted in the sand and ready to sway to whatever music life plays.

To Infinity...

One Love, Se'Lah

p.s. To BJ: Love You Sis !!! We are here to support you in your fight!!!

Bouncing off the walls...

It's three days before Christmas and my daughter, like many children out there, is absolutely bouncing off the walls. She is simply overexcited to a degree that I've not seen in a long, long time.

This weekend, we had our first snow storm. We got about 3 feet of snow! My daughter was so wired she demanded to go outside and play in the snow during the storm. This is the most snow she's ever seen in her life and I imagine (or am hoping) that in a few weeks, the novelty will wear off and this Caribbean Queen can enjoy the heat I pay so dearly for in my rent. Lest I digress...it was fun to watch her enjoying herself...it was as innocent as the white driven snow she was frolicking in. I watched as she rolled down a hill of snow and giggle uncontrollably. And I thought to myself, "These are the moments".

Today, she had her first snow day. I, however, still had to go to work. I left her and my hubby outside with her playing in the snow when I pulled off this morning. After I returned home and released my work energy, I sat down with my daughter to listen to Christmas Carols on the radio station. She informed me that we had exactly one hour left to call the station because Santa was calling in from the North Pole to talk with some lucky children. After 73 busy calls, we finally got through. She told Santa her wishlist, "Pet Shop, an iPod and an iDog", and it was broadcasted live on the radio. Now, she is *really* wi-red. Her lips are moving uncontrollably as she is pacing incessantly..."Santa's going to come to my house first; I was the first one to talk to Santa; I forgot to tell him about Super Pink Kirby; I forgot to tell him about Pixos...". Thanks a lot Santa.

And I have to remind myself, "These are the moments".

One Love, Se'Lah

About "Shapeshifters"...

I was fortunate enough to have met the distinguished poet, writer and educator, Lucille Clifton, in person during my junior year of college. She was a guest speaker during Black History Month. Her quiet demeanor gave no hint of the power her words would possess. But after hearing her read her "shapeshifter poems" in her own voice, with her own deliberate inflections, my ability to relate to those who endure childhood sexual abuse forever changed.

Today, I had a conversation with a friend, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and I had to share these poems. The consequential and residual effects of a mother who does not believe, or chooses not to believe, their own child's report of sexual abuse are profound. It can create a level of dysfunction in a family that is far beyond imagination, recognition, and if left unaddressed, beyond repair. So, I write about this today in hopes that some mother out there will not discount or dismiss these reports without validation, regardless of personal feelings of perhaps failure to protect, shame, and/or inadequacy. For who is left to protect your child when you have chosen to protect the shapeshifter?

WARNING: The "shapeshifter poems" may be very difficult reading for sexual abuse survivors. Please do not read alone without necessary support. A list of support resources is provided further below.

shapeshifter poems

1

the legend is whispered
in the women's tent
how the moon when she rises
full
follows some men into themselves
and changes them there
the season is short
but dreadful shapeshifters
they wear strange hands
they walk through the houses
at night their daughters
do not know them

2

who is there to protect her
from the hands of the father
not the windows which see and
say nothing not the moon
that awful eye not the woman
she will become with her
scarred tongue who who who the owl
laments into the evening who
will protect her this prettylittlegirl

3

if the little girl lies
still enough
shut enough
hard enough
shapeshifter may not
walk tonight
the full moon may not
find him here
the hair on him
bristling
rising
up

4

the poem at the end of the world
is the poem the little girl breathes
into her pillow the one
she cannot tell the one
there is no one to hear this poem
is a political poem is a war poem is a
universal poem but is not about
these things this poem
is about one human heart this poem
is the poem at the end of the world

Credit: Copyright © 1987 by Lucille Clifton.

*You can buy this specific collection in her book Next: New Poems.

*For more books by Lucille Clifton: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/102-0749818-0484902?url=index%3Dstripbooks%3Arelevance-above&field-keywords=Lucille%20Clifton

*If you have been the victim of sexual abuse or violence, you are not alone. To get immediate help and support (24 hours a day, 7 days a week), you may contact the resources listed below:

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)

National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

*You can also visit the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline: http://www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-online-hotline

*You can find contact information for crisis centres and like organisations in your state at: http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence/state/ and

*For FAQ on sexual assault and a list of helpful tips, visit: http://www.4woman.gov/faq/sexual-assault.cfm.